Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
