what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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