You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
