What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
