Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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