Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
