how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
