I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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