I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
