Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
