Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
