I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize