I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
