I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
