Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
