is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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