one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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