I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
