he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
