I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
this just has baby written all over it
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
