i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
