It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
