So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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