U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Who died my cat blue again?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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