The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
