so that wasnt chicken after all
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
