i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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