Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
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