Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
