im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
