mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
