Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
