I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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