VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
