Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
