just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
