3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
