Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
