my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
