Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
