Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
