why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
