Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
