Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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