i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
