Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
how does that bad decision feel?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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