Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
