even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
