i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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