he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize