Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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