Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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