I think im going to throw up on grandma
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
