i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
