I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
