I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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