just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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