she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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