we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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