Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
