I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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