I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
