She said her name was "party"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize