your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
