i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
