We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
