i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
