I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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