I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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