Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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