hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
