i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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