morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
