well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
