I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
