u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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