I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
