these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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