sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
