youre lurking in front of me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
