swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
