he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
