We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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