Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize