thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
