My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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