but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize