My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
