I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
