I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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