I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
