I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
