she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
