Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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