I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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