I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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