They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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