Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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