Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
