I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
