the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
