Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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