Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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