Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize