If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
