He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
