I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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