well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize