A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
