So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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