Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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