Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
