Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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