I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
