Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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