I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
